Find your Rhythm
The doctor was hesitant to categorize me after taking my weight, blood pressure, and other measurements that pointed to the life long struggle that I stepped into since I was twelve years old. I helped her as we looked at the range of BMI classification with a single word, "obese".
She stated that there is a desire to not label people with the morbid obesity term any longer for the stigma that it produces. I thought that it just didn't matter, if you are in that range of weight. You're unhealthy and at risk no matter if you're obese or morbid obese. I shrugged it off and started to joke with the family to be kind, sympathetic, and that I can't do random things because I am "obese". Making light of my own struggle helped to acknowledge it and to not allow it to be as scary or daunting to the threat it has on my future and quality of life.
"I just can't seek to meet anyone's expectations except Gods!"
Most of my family is/was overweight. My Uncles on my maternal side are men over 6' 6" and near the 280 or over 300 pound range. We are some big Scotch-Irish boys. But regardless of the genetic dispositions, learning about all types of realities that effect our health and weight, there was this nagging reality that my life was out of sync that would produce a healthier, leaner person.
It was time to find a rhythm that would bring all efforts of my life into a greater harmony of the person that I knew myself to be growing into. Look, I could not open up about this and put up a mask that all these areas in my life are perfect. But then I would be adding to the problem that pastors and spiritual leaders are impervious to fault lines, flaws, and character marks of their own. I just can't seek to meet anyone's expectation except Gods!
The timing of Jessica's health changes was helpful in that we have adopted a Paleo diet. This is easy compared to the whole 30 that I did 5 years ago for six months straight. The difference were the other pieces that I wasn't implementing. I was staying up late, waking up early, and working out 2-3 times a week for about 40 minutes. I was watching Netflix on the cardio machine, and just had no motivation. I lacked discipline (I hear Schwarzeneggers voice in my head saying that), and I felt just out of step.
Step by step I have been making big changes to bring more rhythm and peace. The drive really is to look at the life I have been given, the setbacks, the opportunities, and the gifts that are present today. I also looked at the long game as well. The goals, the hopes, the need of others who are counting on me to keep growing, consistent, and maturing in the roles I have accepted (husband, father, pastor, friend, etc.)
So my challenge to you is to consider what is out of rhythm to what God is calling to bring into a place of harmony of growing into as his deeply devoted and constant disciple? Identify what obstacles or what needs to be surrendered to get there in at least a step by step fashion. Don't over commit, but make a commitment and be consistently growing in it. If it is more sleep, then do something to get more sleep. If it is cleaning out the pantry, clean out the pantry. If it is opening up in a safe place to help overcome a emotional challenge, if it is a need to address your depression or anxiety with a medical professional, then make that call.
You are not weak if you acknowledge you need help or support, you are human and we are so fragile.
It is my hope that the people I can influence support, pray for, teach, and ultimately model to are seeing a person who is leading with a limp like Jacob. Leading with being fully aware of shortcomings, but acknowledging a God who fills the gap and seeks to redeem, restore, and use with each obedient effort to bring their walk into harmony with Jesus' teachings, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and the will of the Father.
Find your Rhythm and keep stepping forward in it!
Keep Looking Up!